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Tuesday, January 11, 2011
living with a monster
This is Kitty. She becomes more spoiled every day. I don't think she is aware she is a cat and not a human. Greg adopted her about two years ago from the Humane Society. I don't know why she thinks she is so special. She looks just like about a million other gray tiger cats. And I don't know why Greg picked her over 79 other vagrant cats at the shelter that day but he did. He didn't even give her a proper name. Her name is just Kitty. Not Fluffyikins, not Muffin or even Grizabella (which was my suggestion and I still secretly call her because its awesome) Just Kitty the Cat. She is not special but she somehow has this crazy superiority complex and believes she is the queen of the household. She demands that we give her a spoonful of tuna every day. It can't be in too large of chunks either. No. That means she has to chew it and she simply can't be bothered with that kind of work. She refuses to eat it unless she watches us smash it up a little bit in her bowl. She has to know it has been specially prepared for her. If we make her wait for her food longer than is convenient she gets loud and bitey. You reach down to pet her and she tries to tear your thumb off. And its come to the point that every time we set foot in the kitchen she is there meowing, pacing and waiting for us to give her food. She now gets her tuna three or four times a day because we get tired of her begging and just give in. She also has this odd impulse that requires her to try to knock over every half full glass of liquid she comes across. If you sit your glass of water down on the table you have to watch it or she will take a drink and then stick her whole front leg in it and push it around until she is successful in tipping it over. Oh and the toilet? She drinks out of that too, even though her water bowl is replaced daily with fresh ice-cold tap water. When either of us eat cereal she just expects that we are going to save some of the milk for her. She gets as close to you and your bowl as she possibly can. The second you set your bowl down she practically dives into it head first. When she vomits (which she does on a fairly regular basis and probably because we give her too much tuna and cereal milk) she makes sure that it is in a spot where you are most likely to step in it barefooted. I am positive it is premeditated. Sometimes she even lurks in dark corners waiting to ambush you when you walk by. This cat walks all over me. Literally. At five a.m. when i am trying to sleep. If that doesn't work to wake me up, she sticks her wet, cold nose in my face and attempts to pry my eyelids open with her tongue. Funny thing is, I don't think she does this to Greg. I think she likes him more than me. Even though I'm the one who cleans her litter box. And you know what? I sometimes actually feel a surge of jealousy towards her. I catch myself wondering if she gets more affection than I do. Me? Jealous of a cat!? No. not just a cat. A nameless house cat with a sketchy background and bad manners.